I keep getting really shitty weeks for history. I wasn’t impressed with last weeks; maybe this week’s will be better.
Look at this righteous piece of shit. On July 28th, 1981 (I was only 2 months old) IMB introduced their System/23 Datamaster desktop computer. It looks like a data master. It was primarily marketed to businesses for word processing. Word processing? What business is going to type up papers on this? Sorry, what I meant was.. What business is going to spend a cool $9,830 dollars for ONE setup. JUST ONE! Oh yeah, and if you want the software and additional hardware, yeah… That’s another cool $3,300. This is why there are so many movies made about business tycoons that snorted a bunch of heroin in the 80s. THIS is why.
These Tomatoes Taste Like Ass
On July 30th, 1982 the USSR decided that they should definitely detonate an atomic bomb underground. I mean, it was the 80s so anything goes really. Disco was a thing, uhh.. Jocks was a thing, Revenge of the Nerds was a thing, so why not testing out some A-Bombs underground? Interestingly enough, worms found on the Chernobyl site had started having sex with one another (instead of asexual.. whatever the hell that means)
Where did Jimmy go?
At around 2:30pm, July 30th,1975 in Bloomfield Hills (a suburb of Detroit), Michigan, a man by the name of Jimmy Hoffa was last seen. Who the hell is Jimmy Hoffa you ask? I thought he was a singer or something, but in fact he was not. He was some labor union leader and did some organized crime ova here and ova there and after doing some time in the slammer he was actually PARDONED by Nixon. PARDONED! I’ve never heard of anyone being pardoned by a president. I’m pretty sure if a president pardons a well known criminal, then that president is also a known criminal. Which… he was.
On july 31st 1999 Bone Thugs-N-Harmony released their song titled “East 1999” that was crazy-bone dissonant and silly-bone rhythmically incoherent. Okay, all this is a lie. Actually NASA intentionally smashes their spacecraft into the moon to conclude their study, search, mission aptly titled “Lunar Prospector”. Did they find frozen water on the moon? I don’t know. I wouldn’t drink it if they did, It’s most likely incredibly disgusting.
You know… This week was terrible for technology. The first transcontinental phone call was made, who cares… Microsoft buys full rights to DOS, who cares… The first “Geosynchronous” satellite was launched but F#cking failed brilliantly upon ascent to orbit. What a joke. In actuality, there were a TON of deaths that happened this week all throughout the years. If I could make a line graph of the deaths, accidents, and attacks that happened this week would have a sharp spike up. I’m surprised that we’re still as populated as we are presently.
Oh well. We’ll see what next week has for us.